I’m writing this blog in the airport, on my way to Arbonne’s Global Training Conference in Las Vegas. It’s a fun weekend filled with some of the best trainings, new product launches, and a chance to celebrate all of the inspiring leaders who had an amazing year. It’s also a reunion with some of my favorite people on the entire planet. Like almost anyone, I started my business for the money. Who doesn’t need an extra couple hundred a month, or some more free time? But when the going has gotten tough (which it inevitably does because… ya know, life), it’s not the money that keeps me going. It’s the community.
As our lives become more and more digital, we are missing a hugely important aspect of human existence. Community. We used to find it in churches, neighborhoods, clubs, etc. Those still exist, but they aren’t as ubiquitous or engrained in our American culture as they once were. And the isolation, in my humble opinion, is dangerous and damaging to our mental health. I find a lot of people actually love joining companies like this specifically because they find a community of people with common interests and desires.
Community of some sort can be found in any job. But I was always a little dissatisfied with the communities within restaurants and performing. The general culture can be highly competitive, snarky, and judgmental. I’m sad to say I used to buy into this attitude. I loved snark (it’s a pretty effective defense mechanism if you haven’t tried it.). At the time, I didn’t even realize I was craving a group of people that would cheer on my successes without qualifying or diminishing them behind my back.
The culture for most network marketing companies highly stresses the importance of personal development. The top leaders are always reading and/or listening to something that will improve their mindset, interpersonal relationships, or industry-related skills. The expectation is that we are all working daily towards improving ourselves, because improving one area of your life usually tends to bleed into others. Learning to take sales rejections less personally leads to taking cryptic texts from tinder dates less personally. Building a habit of meditating every morning can keep you present and focused, and thus you become a super-listener. What fun! So the wonderful side effect of all this growth is that the community is filled with superheroes that want nothing more than to see you succeed and celebrate that success. It doesn’t even sound real, but y’all. It is.
One of my dear colleagues recently promoted to the level of Regional Vice President. In our company, it means she gets a full time income (working part time) and a snazzy Mercedes. It’s the level most sought after and most coveted… and a level I’ve been trying to get to for over three years. When she promoted, the strangest thing happened… I was genuinely and wholeheartedly happy for her. I wasn’t jealous, I didn’t think she had some leg up or advantage I didn’t. I just acknowledged she did the work with bravery and grace, and deserved every bit of her success. I cheered my face off when she was honored at our conference last year. I’m embarrassed to admit it was a strange and new feeling, to have happiness for a friend supersede the once familiar feeling of jealousy. I truly believe it’s because of the work I’ve been doing for the last few years.
Also, there is a mentorship program already built into these companies. The person who signs you on gets a teeny tiny percentage (smaller than yours) of the sales you do. So, it’s in their best interest to help you succeed. I think it’s the most misunderstood part of our industry. I don’t have a boss who doesn’t work while I toil away to make them money. I have a mentor, a coach, and a friend all wrapped up into one human helping me navigate this industry. They’ve been through it all. They are at the top of the mountain, and they are reaching down and showing me the way. Sometimes she gives me tough love, and sometimes she lets me take a seat. And guess what? She supports me no matter what. I’ve had some of my most vulnerable and most empowering conversations with my leaders. This is the culture instilled in most companies.
So, maybe you’re not craving money or time freedom. Maybe you’re just looking for a group of people that can hold space, cheer you on, and work with you. This was something I didn’t even know I was looking for, but I’m so glad I found it.
On September 10th, 2010, I moved to New York City to become a famous actress. To pay for this new thing in my life called ‘rent,’ I got my first serving gig. And luckily…or not so luckily… I was very good at it. For better or worse, serving has been my day job for the past 9 years. In a lot of ways, it’s great. It’s incredibly flexible, and offers one of the highest hourly rates of any ‘day job’ I know. Plus, you get to learn the difference between Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay and flaunt that knowledge to your friends. But, is it fulfilling? Not for me.
I’ve noticed that in the US, particularly in large cities, Food Service and Hospitality is an industry of necessity, not necessarily a chosen career path. Most servers, even the ones making six figures at a fine dining establishment, have something else they do on the side. I’ve worked with the most fascinating people: poetry translators, authors, comedians, reiki healers, clothing designers, you name it. But because this job hasn’t been my passion, it has been very easy for me to despise it.
I’ve hated my job on and off for nine years. Serving is not that fun once the thrill of nightly cash tips wears off. It’s hard on your body, people are incredibly rude, and it’s not very mentally stimulating unless you have a table willing to nerd out about the various Beaujolais Appellations. On top of that, a lot of management has fallen into the job without any leadership training, which can change the nature of your day job for the worse very quickly. (I learned recently from a leadership coach friend of mine that this lack of leadership is a common problem in almost every industry, go figure!). Anyway… the money is great, and usually the colleagues are awesome. But frankly… the job sucks.
I first looked for an escape in 2015 when I started my network marketing business. I had found that secret job that could, with work and dedication, pay me more money than bartending! Huzzah! But I was impatient to leave. And I was miserable and mean. I was single during this period, and some men I’d been dating would say they might stop by the bar to say ‘hi’ while I was working. I’d beg them not to, for fear they’d take one look at ‘Katie Rage’ and run right out the door, justifiably ghosting me for life. Katie Rage is a legit term that has been coined for me by my coworkers in not one, but TWO restaurants. Y’all. I get grumpy.
My network marketing business was the beacon of hope carrying myself through these shifts. Knowing my days were numbered certainly helped. And finally, just under a year after launching my side hustle, I put my notice in at my restaurant. The last day of work I triumphantly threw away my Danskos, vowing never to return to food service. Some bar regulars bought me a bottle of Dom Pérignon and we drank it together while I had steak tartare on the other side of the bar for once.
I have a secret. My business had not replaced my income yet. I was doing a big, crazy leap hoping it would motivate me to work harder and reach my desired income. And unfortunately… motivate, it did not. To close that gap, I worked at a barre studio instead, making about half of what I made at the restaurant. It was even less mentally stimulating, and… it was barre. This is my least favorite workout. Isn’t the point of group fitness that it’s supposed to be fun? I remember being in the middle of class, white knuckling the ballet barre as we pulsed our thighs. I looked over at the women next to me, and we all had the exact same horribly miserable expression on our face. What happened to Jazzercise and Zumba?! This seemed like something pulled right out of Guantanamo Bay. I quickly realized I hated this job, too! And what’s worse, it didn’t even help me make rent.
Then guess what I did? In the fall of 2016, I also quit that job before my measly bit of income had been replaced. I had had two great months, and I thought surely my business would do nothing but keep growing. We’d elect our first woman president, and I would promote to Regional Vice President. A flashy title with a flashy Mercedes, and a flashy paycheck to boot. What a time to be alive! Well, we all know that didn’t happen… (yet). My business sadly did not grow.
I tried other odd jobs, like walking for Wag and catering. Both incredibly flexible, but again never really paying enough. I just kept hustling and kept ignoring my rising credit card statement. Finally, a year after leaving my first restaurant job, I realized I was close to the limit on my multiple credit cards, and I had gotten into ca-razy debt. Like, a number I’m too embarrassed to write here. I had basically lived in a deficit in New York and ignored that fact until I was crying in my room at the end of my financial rope. I was so far in the hole, it made me want to slap my friends crying over their $5,000 credit card problems. (I’ll just spoil it for everyone here, I find a way out of debt, so don’t worry about me!)
So, I went back to the only thing I knew could fix the problem quickly. I bought some new Danskos, and landed a job back in food service. Oh joy. This was super humbling and incredibly depressing at first. But here’s the thing I didn’t know until this time around. You can be grateful for a job you don’t like. You’re probably reading this going… ‘Wait, you seriously didn’t know this was an option, Katie?’ Nope! I thought you had to hate any job that wasn’t your passion or directly related to your dreams. You had to ooze from your very pores that this job was beneath you in every way, that you could be creating ART or making a DIFFERENCE, but you showed up ANYWAY because you’re not a MONSTER. (And because this serving job has given you a taste for expensive White Burgundy Wines…) I didn’t realize I could just clock in, do my work, kiss my paycheck gratefully each week, and go build my dreams once I clock out. It’s not taking time or energy away from my creativity, like I thought. It was providing the foundation and the stability for my creativity and passions to thrive.
Coming back to serving was a huge hit to the ego. But it was a necessary lesson in the fact that success is almost never linear. There are peaks and valleys. And in my new restaurant, there are lots of entrepreneurs, just like me! It’s awesome! I still totally hate it at the end of a long shift when my body is about to turn to actual dust, and I suddenly have to make a Ramos Fizz. Or five. But I am so so grateful for this job. I’m so grateful I only have to work three days a week and afford to live in New York City. I’m grateful it leaves me with enough mental energy to pursue everything else. Case in point, I’m writing this article at the end of a loooong day in a SweetGreen before I head to a networking event to pursue my passion. And you know what? There is absolutely no shame in working another job while you’re dream takes off. A lot of writers, artists, and entrepreneurs did it in their day. And when this day job finally gets fired forever, I’ll look back on this time with a bit of reverent nostalgia. So to all the servers folding napkins after a long and hard shift, I raise my glass of Chablis Premier Cru to you. Cheers.
Network Marketing is sweeping the nation. After its rough patch of some shady pyramid schemes in the 80s and 90s that ruined the image of network marketing for most people, the digital age is bringing it back—with better companies, and better products. I started my network marketing business almost four years ago. And if you’ve been my friend during that time, I’ve probably asked you to take a look at my business. And if I haven’t, someone else in your life probably has asked for your participation or support in some way. Whatever your opinion is, there are things I wish people could know when I’m approaching them about what I do. So, I’m taking it to the blog! Here are just a few things I wish you could know when I ask you to take a look at the business.
I’m probably terrified to ask you.
The network marketing model is based on utilizing your network for referrals of clients and potential business partners. Most business is actually done this way, but it’s not necessarily hitting your newsfeed on the daily. When anyone first starts their network marketing business, they’re most likely told to put together a list of 100 names of people in their network that they will ask to take a look at the business or products. This is just a starting off point. The ideal hope is that their friends will support them, love the products, and introduce them to other product lovers. When I first started my business, I had a wonderful set of friends who were super supportive that led to my initial success (Thanks, guys!). And then, six months later, I needed more appointments, and I went back to the 100 person list I had made. There were totally a few names I had not checked off because they were ‘scary.’ I still have people I ask to this day that give me the flop sweats. Whether I care what they think or not, I do care that they understand where the ask is coming from. I can’t control how someone is going to react to my ‘ask.’ Some people may see it as a golden opportunity, like I did (…eventually), or they may see it as a shit sandwich! The fear that friends will take that shit sandwich and rearrange their entire judgement of my character around it is very real and very present every time I ask someone. As brave as I try to be, there are almost always flickers of terrified heartbeats as I press send on a message or ask someone in person.
I like you
Even if you scare me… I like you. The really cool part of this gig is that you get to choose your coworkers. No miserable Tanya who complains all day and forces you to look at photos of her cats. Just a fun group of friends that you yourself hand picked! How snazzy! Most of my asks are based around the thought that we will be going on trips paid for by the company for the rest of our lives. So, if I can see us drinking mojitos watching the sunset over an exotic ocean, I will probably screw up the courage to ask you. I wish everyone would know that my ask is just a way to give a little shoutout to their awesome style, or vibrant character. Even if they’re not down, I’m just inviting them to this rad party that’s always happening if they change their mind!
I ask a lot of people
Let me tell you an inside secret about our industry. Most companies train you to invite one person a day to take a look at the business. That’s 365 people a year. Remember that 100 person list? Yea, if you’re doing that, you burn through that list pretty quickly. And, you can’t even count the invitation unless the person responds! So if you’re not asking face to face, you have to reach out to even more people. Now, if someone’s just trying to hit their numbers, this can result in some bad copy/paste jobs. It’s not something I condone, but it is a mistake I made (and a lot of others, too) earlier in my career. Spamming is no fun, and not the intention of most people doing the biz. Since then, I really have made an effort to make each ask unique, authentic, and personal, as it should be. But also know, I do ask a lot of people. Not to make you feel any less special. Because if I really didn’t think you were great, I wouldn’t ask you (see above). But yes, you may hear from me about my business at some point. Just like your real estate agent and financial advisor friends may ask you for a referral, or your friend doing a show in New York may ask you to come out and see it. We are all trying to share what we do with our network. I like to think of it as a restaurant opening. When a restaurant first opens, they usually have a soft opening to invite all of their friends and family. Ideally, they’ll be a little nicer than strangers if any kinks are still being worked out. And if they love it, they’ll tell their friends about this awesome new restaurant they simply have to check out. But no restaurant would expect their friends and family to be their only guests forever. That restaurant would CLOSE. So, if you’re being invited to take a look at my ‘restaurant’ it’s not with the expectation that the success of my business all lands on you. It’s just with the hope that if you like it, you’ll share it with other people. That’s it!
You can say no
Oh my goodness. Sometimes, I feel like my real job description should be ‘Teaching people to say no.’ People say no to me all. the. time. I am a professional rejection taker. I should have ‘shit-eating-grin’ and ‘taking it in stride’ as special skills on my resume. Some rejections are totally wonderful and kind, and I want to thank those people for that. Others are not so nice, but it doesn’t matter. It stings for a bit and life goes on for both people. But, my success does not hinge on you and only you saying yes to this business. It would be fun if you joined me! I like you! But if it’s not your bag, it’s all good. The worst thing you probably could do is just… say nothing, which leaves a weird pink elephant in the room next time we see each other. We both know I sent you a message you never responded to, and I’m too chicken shit to put you on the spot in person and bring it up. And thus, our relationship suddenly becomes… weird. So, if you can clear the air immediately and just say no, it makes the relationship so much easier moving forward. I mean it. It’s scary for me to ask, and it’s scary for you to say no, but we will be so much stronger doing both of these things.
I really think I’m offering something great
Okay, so if you’ve actually never done your research about this industry, and just think I’m in a cult or scamming you I would really encourage you to take a closer look. Not for my benefit, but for yours. This is a powerful business model that when used with integrity and authenticity can help you grow a legit passive, legit awesome income and lifestyle. Not all companies are created equal, so please do your research before choosing the right company for you. But the industry itself is real, and it’s awesome. If you want a quick education, take a look at the YouTube video or book ‘Four Year Career’ by Richard Bliss Brooke. Even if you still want nothing to do with me or the industry, at least you understand why your friends and I are doing it, and why we're offering it to you. Because here’s the thing you may not see when you’re on the outside. I’ve seen a woman able to work pro-bono in Africa founding a primary school because she had her residual income. I’ve seen a woman able to make up for her partner’s income when he lost his job. I’ve seen an artist use her income and flexibility to create her own web-series about an issue near and dear to her heart. I’ve seen someone foster kids and take annual trips to Haiti to help communities there, all while giving her three kids at home the best life possible. These aren’t urban legends. These are people I know that I have talked to and worked with regularly. This business works if you want to make it work. And most people who are in it—whether they’re earning a couple hundred bucks or twice their annual salary in one month—are grateful for the courageous person who asked them to look at this business model. And so, I approach each person I ask with that same hope. The hope that maybe it would help them or their family in some way. And if they just think it’s a shit sandwich, that’s also fine! But I’d rather have offered in the first place.
So, how can I help?
Alright, so you’ve read through this whole blog post, realize we're all well intentioned whether you agree with our businesses or not. Fabulous. If you’re open to trying the products or hearing a pitch, be a pal and do it! There’s zero obligation just to listen. And for a lot of us, you’re helping us reach a goal of some sort even if you don’t purchase anything. And if you do listen and realize network marketing with the right company is actually pretty rad, you can advocate for your friend if anyone ever tries to throw shade their way. And even better, if someone comes to mind who would love the products or the business, you can be that amazing friend that connected them. If you’d really like nothing to do with this business or this product, that’s also fine. Again, even responding ‘no’ can help that person reach a goal or task for the day. And since this is becoming more digital, maybe throwing a like or a heart on a post here and there can help their algorithmic success without you spending a dollar!
If there’s any last thing I would say, it’s this: give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Most people are starting a business like this because they are looking for more options and choices. And also, most are starting with zero experience. So, they may mess up from time to time. If you as a friend can keep in mind that they’re just trying to do the best they can, that can be the biggest help of all. Something we learn on this side of the business is to not take anything personally. And I promise you, no one is jumping into this business with the intent to scam all of their friends and family out of money just so they can make a quick buck. Most people are genuinely excited about the product and would be sharing it with you for free anyway.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for all the Yeses, and the Nos.
If I’m being totally and completely honest, my main goal in life has always been to find ‘The One.’ This may come as a shock to some, because I know I come off as incredibly ambitious. But my ambitions were merely a distraction from my lonely reign of singledom for seven long years. Although, if my goal really was simply to meet the love of my life, perhaps I shouldn’t have chosen a career path like musical theatre… Anyway, I digress. Before my lovely fiancé Adam showed up, I focused a lot of time and energy on relationships. When I wasn’t in one, I was looking for one. When I was in one, I was trying my hardest to fit a square peg in a round hole of my ‘ideal man’ and prove this guy was the one. Anyone who’s been single as long as I have is privy to the experience of all of your coupled friends giving you sage advice on how to find the love of your life and be happy just like they are with their partner.
First off, let me address something very important. Finding yourself in a relationship in no way makes you suddenly an expert on relationships. It’s not a prize you earned because you somehow figured it out and your poor single friend didn’t. People jump into relationships for lots of reasons, and sometimes they aren’t the healthiest. But, it is so hard as a person in a relationship not to smugly smile at your single friend, pat them on the shoulder and say, ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find someone.’ I’m guilty of that one myself. For any friends I’ve done that to before, consider this my public apology. I thought since I spent the better part of my 20s perpetually single, and have in fact found myself with a lovely man I can confidently call ‘The One,’ it would be fun to go over the advice I got from friends and see how it all panned out… Let’s go!
‘You’ll find him when you’re not looking’
I remember me and my friend being puzzled by this one. Our lives were so full and busy, I remember her saying ‘How much busier do I need to get? Do I have to buy a chia pet?’ It’s so funny to think the one second you announce ‘FUCK MEN’ the love of your life is going to perk his ears up, interrupt the conversation he’s having with someone and run through an airport to find you and fall hopelessly in love with you. That’s how that romantic story goes, right? I don’t know if I can honestly say I ever stopped looking. Sure, the dating apps would come and go from my phone, but I think my little beacon was always sending a signal through the ether that I was looking. Even those rare moments where I wasn’t looking, I would immediately think, ‘Oh my god! I am totally not looking for a guy right now! I’m probably gonna meet him soon!’ and then immediately be looking all over again. So do you have to magically find yourself in such a state of perpetual bliss that you forget the existence of romantic partners altogether? I don’t think so. I do, however, think there is a benefit in your life to releasing the choke hold around any goal, dream, or ambition.
Trying to remember back to the day I met Adam, I wasn’t looking in maybe the ten seconds before I got a text from my friend wanting to set us up. But that’s it. Just two weeks before I was trying to convince myself this awful man who very clearly hated women was potentially the one. I’d imagine telling the story of how we met, ‘Well, the first night I stayed over he popped a Melatonin and put in ear plugs and immediately destroyed all opportunity for heartfelt pillow talk. But, oh, once he came around he was so considerate!’ So obviously I’d learned nothing and was still on the hunt.
Whatever happens, meeting the one will always surprise you. But it’s not the actual meeting that’s the surprise. The surprise is the ease with which you two get together. You suddenly try to see each other as often as possible, and text without worrying about scaring them off, and have sex when it feels right, and become exclusive when that feels right. It all happens so easily that us coupled folks may look back and think we weren’t looking at the time. Because frankly, we didn’t know what we were looking for. Until you’ve been in an equitable, loving relationship, it’s hard to know what that feels like.
‘You have to love yourself before loving someone else’
Y’all. I love myself. I’ve been feelin’ myself for a looooong time. I’m a generally centered, confident lady. Of course I still look in the mirror woefully poking my ‘stomach pooch,’ and I sometimes still worry what people think. But my insecurity has always been that I was the best and no one noticed. So, I loved myself the whooooole time I was single. And look where that got me?! What I would say would be valuable is the same thing I say for any goal, dream, or ambition. Get happy NOW. Thinking that a relationship, or that promotion, or that fancy pair of shoes is going to single handedly make you happy is, I’m sorry to say… not true. I met Adam, the love of my life, we very quickly fell in love, and suddenly all of my romantic anxieties vanished… and reappeared in other parts of my life! You can’t escape them! Nothing external will solve a problem. So, no, the secret isn’t loving yourself. The secret is enjoying your life now. Especially if you’re single. For all you know, you may fall in love with a man who hates dancing like I did. So enjoy it while you can! And have fun dancing alone because you might be doing it alone forever thanks to the wet blanket you just fell in love with. I kid, I kid. But truly, what do you do that excites you? What makes you happy? Not only will you magically be happier, but you’ll also be an interesting AF person to date. And in case your future love doesn’t have similar interests, you can enjoy them by yourself anyway. And if your life is already full and happy and you know you don’t need a relationship, it would just be a cherry on top of a beautiful life sundae… then let me say, I don’t know when this person is coming, but DANG they’re gonna love the crap out of you.
‘When you meet the love of your life, you’ll KNOW.’
This is half true. Like I’ve said before, dating ‘The One’ or a good partner for you is easy. It should be easy. I’m not referring to external obstacles like living in different cities or having opposite schedules. I’m saying it should feel easy in spite of that. When I met Adam, he told me that very night that he travels a lot and I’d have to be okay with that. He was leaving for a three week contract in nine days. We saw each other six out of those nine days, and by the end he had already initiated a conversation about exclusivity. He was on a cruise ship with terrible service for three weeks, and we still managed to stay in contact every day. That is the ‘easy’ I’m referring to. Any games or withholding from either of you as a way to ‘win’ the other person is a bad sign. I have never had any doubts in my relationship about how this man felt about me. He made it clear, and he still makes it clear every day. He’s not insane about it. We aren’t hopelessly addicted to each other. But each step of our relationship has felt easy and inevitable. And I personally think that should be the bar.
Now, for the part that isn’t true. Is meeting the love of your life like a lightning bolt into your heart, the music slows, a light shines down from above, and a chorus of angels sing ‘There they are!'? ...I don’t think so. And I think waiting for a lightning bolt to magically show you the way in any aspect of your life is dangerous. If anything, my ‘knowing’ about Adam started with a tiny tickle the night we met, followed by days of anxiety. Adam was so clear in his affection for me, and I was so used to having to decipher the tiniest of text messages and signs from other men that I was scared. I was terrified that this guy was falling for me and I may not feel the same way. I was afraid I was going to hurt this sweet guy who my friend set me up with. And then I had a conversation with our matchmaker friend that I remember clear as day, and everything changed. He asked how things were going, and I said ‘It’s good, but he plans everything out and he paid for everything on our date.’ My friend shrugged and said ‘That’s because he’s a man.’ I said, ‘Yeah, but he wrote down my birthday and my favorite flower.’ And he said, ‘That’s because he’ll forget.’ And for whatever reason, my friend’s nonchalance cured my fears. I had another date with Adam, asked more about his ideal day and what he wants out of life, and started to fall hard for him. Even then, it would take another month for me to truly know he was the one. But still, a month is preeeetty fast, and plenty of people have taken longer to acknowledge that. So you see? Lightning bolts do not equal love. They usually equal some pretty serious sexual attraction, and I would get on that if you can because life is short! But don’t confuse that with love.
‘Make sure they’re a good partner’
Okay, this is my advice. I know, I know, I’m doing that thing that couples do to single people that I absolutely hate. But if there was one thing I could say to all single friends, it would be this. The love of your life, your life partner, your husband, your wife, whatever. They won’t just be a relationship. They become an entity and a foundation in your life. What I love about Adam is we always refer to the life we are ‘building’ together. And I think that’s the best way to think about it. To take all romance away and be completely practical… How are they with money? How would they be if either of you lost a job? Would they be there for you if you’re terribly sick? What kind of parent will they be? (If you want kids…) How will they be if we have trouble having kids? How do we fight together? The happiest of couples can be stopped dead in the face of these questions. Because a life partner is different. It’s not very sexy, but knowing Adam is good with money is a huge plus for me. And knowing we would both be able to figure out life without a job or help each other through loss is a huge deal. The vows may be outdated but ‘in sickness and in health’ and ‘for richer or poorer’ are there for a reason. Life is a big MESS. And a lot of stuff will get thrown at you. Some you will see coming, like the loss of a parent. And some you’ll be completely blindsided by, like a loss of a job. Can you still stand the sight of your partner through all of this? Could you two not only build but rebuild together? Those I think are the key questions to keep in mind. And neither of you may be equipped for those right out of the gate, but take a good long look at your partner. Do they support you no matter what? Do they lift you up? Can you ask them for help or support? Can they ask you?
And if there’s any thing I can say on the other side of being in a relationship I could tell little ol’ single me, it would be to worry less. If I had just gone out, met people, enjoyed their company for as long as it was right, filled my days with fun and friends, it would have been so much better! Maybe you’re not as obsessed as I was with meeting someone, and I hope you’re not. The big question to ask yourself is, if you know that this relationship is for sure happening, what would you do today? Would you worry? Or go enjoy yourself? So go do a dance party for yourself today, listen to your favorite songs, and know that your partner is there. And guess what? They’re looking for you, too! Don’t worry, you’ll find each other (I smugly say as I put my hand condescendingly on your shoulder).
Apparently, you are supposed to announce and declare your WAGs (Wildly Audacious Goals). This is not only garners support from your friends and loved ones, but it also holds you accountable to ‘doing what you said you were going to do.’ I’ve repeatedly read in a number of self development books that declaration is step 1. So, what better time than my first blog post ever? I, Katie Bland, want to be a best-selling author, and a motivational speaker in the world of personal development. That’s a scary thing for me to admit, but ‘scary’ in this sense that I feel a tickle of excitement knowing it’s true and it’s right. It’s been quite a journey to get me to this conclusion.
Ever since I was eight years old, I’ve wanted to be an actress. Lucille Ball was my first inspiration and my hero. And my over-achieving ambitious self started that dream early by filling out an application to Yale Drama as a third grader. From that moment on, instead of spending my summers playing outside and my winters skiing like every other Coloradan, I was in an air-conditioned dome in the middle of Boulder putting on musicals with 100 other kids. And I was good. Eventually I earned the coveted status of ‘professional actress’ in the Peanut Butter Players’ Lunch Bunch. This company boasts prestigious alumni such as Sutton Foster and Celia Keenan Bolger. I thought I was clearly on that same path to stardom as well. I had it all mapped out. First, I’d perform at Boulder Dinner Theatre. Next, I would move to New York and perform on Broadway (an easy step between local dinner theatre and Broadway, I’m sure…) Then I’d naturally move into film, and win my first Oscar in what I dreamed would be a period piece so I could have the best costumes. I even had a little ‘bit’ planned for my acceptance speech. I’d wear a dress with a long slit, and during my thank yous my finely toned leg would coquettishly slip out as if it had a mind of its own. I practiced my interviews on the Rosie O’Donnell Show in the shower. I fantasized about who my first celebrity boyfriend would be (Luke Perry). I wanted to be a star and I had been preparing since childhood.
This is where my mom would say, “God laughs when you make a plan.” In the end I didn’t actually apply to Yale Drama when the time came. My heart had fallen into musical theatre, and I went to Webster’s Conservatory Program in Saint Louis. And I didn’t perform at Boulder Dinner Theatre, but my first gig was a children’s tour—which is the well-known rite of passage for recent BFA graduates. And I didn’t get to Broadway (yet) but I did make it to Off-Broadway in a show I both loved and loathed. And then, the craziest thing happened. My dream changed.
It is hard to admit, and I know a lot of people back in Boulder still think I’m a star, but I took a look at what it would actually mean to perform on Broadway and… it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want that lifestyle. As we get older, I’ve found my friends and I become more concerned with what our day to day looks like. When I had my first date with my fiancé I asked him about his ideal day. Both of us were similar and craved a peaceful day with yes, some work, but neither of us were competing in the olympics or winning an Oscar. We were reading and drinking tea in our dream home. Of course, I still want to accomplish wildly amazing things, but I quickly realized my drive to be a star was not going to cut through the hustle and grind that is required to become a successful actor. I didn’t want it enough. Changing dreams can be hard. If anyone is as ambitious as I am, leaving a pursuit behind for something that excites you more can feel an awful lot like ‘quitting’ or ‘failing.’ It took me two years to forgive myself for this change of heart (future blog post on this later). And who knows, I may want to perform again one day, but for now, we are on to my WAG.
Since leaving that dream behind, I’ve started looking at what other creative pursuits I may enjoy. I will always consider myself an artist and a creator, as I think all of us are, and I wanted to find something that could light me on fire again. And what’s something I love talking about, thinking about, and reading about as much as I love performing? Personal growth! Spiritual journeys! Dreaming big! Reading or listening to a personal development book has been a part of my daily routine for almost four years. Some I’ve loved, some I’ve hated. Some I’ve integrated, and some I haven’t. But boy am I passionate about it. And boy, would I love to help other people dream big and go on their own spiritual quests!
But Katie, why would I read and take advice from YOU?! Good question. On my journey to find what the hell else I was gonna do with my life, I looked at becoming a life coach. As far as I can understand it as a layman, it’s like being a therapist, but without the degree, and you get to tell people what to do a little more instead of that pesky ‘listening’ thing. Sounded like a dream job to me! As I dived into the various programs available, most came with the disclaimer ‘You’re going to have to work on yourself first before coaching others.’ Website after website was very subtly telling me to get my proverbial shit together. And some may think that I actually currently have said shit together. I’ve been able to financially support myself living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I have a successful network marketing business, I’ve found myself in a healthy romantic relationship, and I have enough energy and time to write a blog. I’m #adulting, everybody! But I’ve also gotten into an embarrassing amount of credit card debt, I’ve taken longer than I wanted to grow the aforementioned network marketing business, I’m writing this blog post in the time I had scheduled for ‘business admin,’ and I ate an entire box of Thin Mints last night. See? It’s all about perspective.
This blog will be a super honest look at my own spiritual journey. The successes and the failures. Hopefully, some of it will be funny, because I find humor the best form of healing. And hopefully, you can connect with it, too. This blog is a step towards a dream that one day this could transform into a book that Oprah loves so much that I’ll be interviewed in a Super Soul Conversation. Are you there, Universe? It’s me, Katie. Make it happen, please. But what would be even more exciting and fulfilling to know is that someone read this blog, totally related, and took one step towards positive change. If that’s my legacy, then I’m a happy lady. Enjoy, and I hope you take this journey with me. What is your WAG? Has it ever changed?